On Thursday and Friday of last week, I moved into a new office. Not spanking brand new, but new to being my office. For the last two years or so, I’ve been sharing an office with a great woman, who has taught me a lot about niceness. I try to tell myself that I didn’t need the lessons, but I suspect it didn’t hurt me to learn. About 18 months ago, I outgrew the small desk and minimal space for my job and when the office next door came open, well I went to my boss and asked for it. They had to consider it for three months before they decided.
I don’t know how long I’ll keep that office before someone comes along that is bigger than I am on the work food chain. I am about guppie sized, but I have been working the same department for a lot of years and they do give me a fair amount of respect for what I do.
Your question in all this is: Yea, so what?
It’s all about change and how we go with it, or try to fight it. I asked for this change and for me it is positive. I now have a large desk, more file space and the ability to fix it how I want…to some extent. I know longer feel like I am the messy one, falling out of her desk in the corner, which is how I felt much of the time.
My office mate for the last two years was gone all last week. She became someone new…a grandmother. It has been a time of great new beginnings for her. A part of me wanted to get the move done while she was gone, just do it and be done. (This is going to date me…) The vibe has been different for a while. Moving to another office wasn’t the beginning of the change, it has been a result of change that gave me this feeling of restless movement. It began as personnel changed and I realized I needed space.
Over the years I’ve always tried to go with the flow of change. It is part of my adventurous nature. In my twenties I traveled the country and changed jobs a lot. I was looking for something intangible with the certain knowledge that I would know what it was when I found it. I didn’t find it, what ever it was. I was chasing change. To catch up I metaphorically bought a boat. I learned most cities are what you make them and stopped moving about so much.
As I got older I let myself be swept up and away in whatever life had to show me. I neither embraced change nor fought it. Instead I sat upon my boat and chose not to bring sails or place a motor or paddles upon it, and often weathered waters that were unsafe. At some point along the way I didn’t like being lost and found my way well enough to buy a motor, paddles and sails. I tried using them each, depending on my whim.
I still listen to breeze, feel the water with my hands and feet and when the wind is out of my sails, I use the motor much more often then paddles. I often wonder where I’m going, but damn the scenery is fine and I haven’t gotten sea sick in years. I don’t have a clear vision of my future, glimpses of sitting on patios and watching the sky at sunset or as the dawn breaks. I wish I were physic and was certain where I am going. I don’t want to quietly fade away, lost at sea. At some point I hope to embrace a time and settle there. Maybe it is that patio that I can only glimpse.
Change is inevitable. Do you hate it or love it or just go with it?
Rhianna Samuels
I love it, I hate it and I go with it. What to do? Like you, I thrived on it when I was younger. I still do, although not as much. That’s not to say that I don’t resist as well, especially when change is forced upon me and not my own choice.
I think fear of the unknown is the main reason people resist change. Like everyone else, I usually freak out when change is thrust on me. But my coping mechanism is to immediately start thinking about what I fear the most, or the worst case scenario, and let it OK if that happens. Then I start focusing on the new possibilities and get excited about that. So I’m able to go with the flow fairly easily.
Maybe your co-worker will see that you can still be friends even with both of you in your own space. Maybe it will even be better because you got what you needed and can be in a better frame of mind at work and towards your co-worker. And maybe she will even enjoy having her own space, who knows?
I don’t see you quietly fading away lost at sea. I get the feeling you are the type to create your own destiny and work it, if you choose to. But that’s only my impression.
Comment by MB (Leah) — April 21, 2008 @ 8:17 pm
Total control over your own destiny is a heady thought. It doesn’t take into account how you feel about other people and that you must often take thier hearts and minds into consideration everytime you make a big decision. Would doing exactly what I want all the time make me happy when it adversely affects so many others. That’s the tough call. Of course, I am not in a position to make sweeping changes in my life right this minute.
I like to pretend I have control over my destiny. Here’s throwing out positive energy and planning for it to come back bigger, brighter and on a golden tray with my deepest wishes fullfilled. I’m even willing to wait a week or two for the results. *grin*
I’m going for the cruise liner, fully staffed and fully stocked. That’s how you cruise thru life, just don’t name it Titanic or Poseidon.
Rhianna
Comment by Administrator — April 21, 2008 @ 10:45 pm
Oh boy… change; what a topic!
When I was younger, change was difficult ~ it probably is for most young people. I liked things staying the same, I was comfortable. But nothing stays the same and we have to learn to deal with it.
Thankfully my parents were wonderful guides… a lot of what I learned came from them… not that I took to it early or easily, but when I did finally realize that my life was my own and that if I wanted it to be my life I had to do something about it, their example showed the way.
I never wanted to grow up ’cause it was easy to be at home, the oldest of six, knowing what was expected of me. And to add to the difficulty I started, at about age 11, to experience depression. It happened so slowly, so gradually and came along with puberty that no one realized that what was happening was more than just “growing pains”. For another 20 or so years I lived with it; sometimes it was almost invisible and sometimes it had a strangle-hold on my personality and my life.
Even after becoming aware of my depression and receiving treatment it still sometimes provides a real challenge to maintain my day-to-day life. I’ve experienced so many changes over the last 20 years and I’m never really sure whether or not it’s due to mental illness, or just living, but I think that I’ve learned to change my reactions to the more negative aspects.
And that brings me back to change. To continue with the water and boat metaphor, for so long I wanted to drift. Just sit back and let life go on around me. But falling in love and starting a family make drifiting a difficult proposition at the best of times. Thank heavens for the people in my life ~ they provided safe harbour when times were too stormy to survive drifting; they gave the time and haven to adjust and to learn that drifting won’t get you anywhere that you want to go.
So, I’ve slowly learned to make my way… but on the whole I prefer oars to sails… sails somehow leave me feeling a little more out of control… and I do like things as easy as possible… well, maybe not easy, but as direct. I’m not too adventurous in my day-to-day life… that’s where books come in! They’re my sails.
What an inspiring blog Rhianna… thank you!!
Comment by KathyK — April 25, 2008 @ 6:04 pm
Oh, and BTW, congratulations on the changes as well… sounds like you’re doing well.
Sail on! *grin*
Comment by KathyK — April 25, 2008 @ 6:05 pm
Hi Kathy,
Talk about inspiring. I find that it is very helpful sometimes to put into words what I feel or how I view the world. It helps me see where I’ve been and where I am now…sometimes. Those words can change and it’s not about being two faced or backing away from something we might have said before. The person that I am at my core wants and hopes and dreams of everything that is possible. The person that sits at my typewriter is fluid and changes with every new experience. I love your safe harbours, and I’d forgotten that I have made my way to a few in my time. Thanks for reminding me.
Rhianna
Comment by Administrator — April 26, 2008 @ 4:47 am
It is always a treat to hear from you all. The blog is open to everyones comments, but it is more of a dialogue with friends most of the time. And anyone who wishes to join in any discussion is welcome. I love to here different perspectives on topics. And I would love to hear what topics any of you would like to discuss.
Rhianna
Comment by Administrator — April 26, 2008 @ 4:49 am